5. Making it a Necessity
How do you feel once you've set an outcome? Often, without knowing it, people feel that if they set a goal, it means they have to achieve it, and nothing but it... and if they don't, it means they're a failure.
When we set a goal we are essentially choosing one possibility we want, and rejecting ALL the other possibilities that aren't what we want. We are choosing one thing and saying no to an infinity of others. If we make that one thing a necessity and anything else unacceptable, we're going to run into problems.
There's a name for this; it's called attachment. When we get attached to an outcome, when one thing has to happen and nothing else can happen, we become rigid and inflexible. We are unable to adjust our approach and adapt to situations. What's more is we become afraid; afraid of not achieving our goal and getting what we must get. From that state of fear and need, it becomes hard to achieve.
An outcome doesn't have to be a necessity. Instead, it should be a possibility. You might achieve it, and that would be great, and you might not, and that will be OK too, at least in the short term. On the path to a goal, your goal may change, you may change, you may decide you don't want it at all or that you want something else entirely. A goal should be like a direction; its a possibility and not a necessity.
If your goal has become a necessity, you'll probably find there's fear hiding behind the feeling of need. Working through this fear will be the next step you'll need to take to achieve your goal.
6. Making it Urgent
Many times, after helping someone set an outcome, I ask them, "When do you want this?" The answer that often comes without a thought? "Now."
When setting goals, people often mentally place that goal in the present. They literally have it right in front of them, close up so they can't really see anything else. In their minds, it's not actually part of a possible future, but rather, it's something that should have already happened. This leaves a feeling of urgency and doesn't make anyone feel very able to do what it takes to work toward a goal. When we feel we should have this now, we feel guilty, not motivated. At the extreme this becomes a state of "I have to have this now," and that is a superb way to remain completely stuck. Urgency doesn't help you get very far, and pressuring yourself to achieve doesn't lead to great results.
To achieve a goal, we need time and space. Our mind needs the space to reorganize our behaviour and we need time to adjust, take necessary actions and go through each of the steps. When? is one of the most important questions we can ask when setting an outcome. When we mentally place a goal in the future, at a realistic time and place, we give ourselves space to think and the distance to see clearly what we need to do to achieve it. It might be 30 days, 90 days, 1 year or longer - it depends on the person and the goal.
Sometimes, instead of really determining when you want it, I'll suggest to a client that they consider where they'd have to place it in space to really feel resourceful to achieve it. I like to place things at 90 days because it leaves me feeling relaxed about it all - if it's an aim for 90 days from now, I have plenty of time. When I have all that time, what usually happens is that I get there much much quicker.
7. Expecting Smooth Sailing
When you set an outcome you've just committed to something, something you want and are willing to work toward, and something that's better than what you've got now. Obviously you want to succeed and you don't want to fail. But the reality is that no one' succeeds by avoiding failure. When you clarify what you want, it leaves countless other possibilities that are not what you want, as mentioned above! Think there won't be obstacles and setbacks and you'll be in for a surprise (and a disappointment).
If you're trying to achieve something you've never achieved before, you can be sure that on the way to your outcome there are going to be difficulties, setbacks, obstacles,
mistakes and failures. If you haven't achieved it before, it means you are probably learning something brand new. You'll have to learn how to do it successfully.
What's more is that the bigger your goal, the bigger the potential for failure. The bigger something is and the further it is from where you are now, the greater the potential to experience the unknown, surprises, setbacks and all kind of other things that are not your goal.
When you decide what you want, you can expect lots of what you don't want too. The key is to be able to welcome anything that happens and respond in a way that keeps you moving toward what you want.
8. Over-focusing on the Goal
Once your goal is set, you'll need to determine the steps required to get there. And once you've done that, it's on the steps you'll need to focus, not necessarily on the goal itself.
Focusing on the goal can leave you pressured and overwhelmed, and unaware of the gap between where you are and where you want to be. It's easy to start to get lost in a goal, overfocusing on what you want and unable to see what is actually happening right in front of you. People start to live in the someday thinking and thinking about the future and oblivious to what's going on right now. But if you do that, you can adequately respond to what is going on right now to move you toward your goal.
Sometimes, a goal can become so big in your mind that it seems bigger than you, overwhelming and impossible. If you think about a goal this way, you'll be lost and stuck.
To achieve goals, we need to focus on the
steps, and each smallest step in succession. When things aren't going
how you want, you need to be able to focus on that and respond to it. By
doing this, you engage in the process, enjoy the process and can more
easily respond to the feedback you get as part of that process.What about the goal? You'll want to maintain the goal as a destination in the back of your mind, but stay grounded in the now and attending to the immediate steps.
9. Failing to Look Back
If you're committed to your goals, it's natural to keep your eye on the target. You progress and then you look at where you want to be next. As you climb the mountain you keep looking to the top.
But this gets both tiring and discouraging. Few people take the time to stop and look back at where they came from and the progress they've made. If you keep looking to the top of the mountain, you'll always feel like you're falling short. You'll get discouraged and maybe even want to give up. But stopping every once in a while and looking at how far you've come is like refueling. It shows you that your efforts have been worth it and that if you keep it up, you'll keep on progressing. It gives you that gusto to keep going, and with a sense of appreciation for that progress and achievement.
10. Doing without Thinking
The business world espouses the virtues of being proactive. "Take action!" and "Go for it!" are mottos for achievement. We love the doers, movers and shakers, and value people who get things done. But far too often, people jump into action without sufficient planning and strategizing.
It's very easy to take action and not succeed. Just because you have a goal, doesn't mean your action will pay off. A goal without an effective strategy for achievement will probably lead to more discouragement than success. It's possible to be too proactive and if you are too proactive, you'll act without thinking, try to bulldoze towards your goals and wonder why it didn't work out. It's the Tasmanian devil approach. At the other end of the spectrum is the reflective type, who tends to think, wait, analyze and consider. This person can become the ultimate procrastinator or suffer from analysis paralysis. This is no better for achievement, but might be effective for a writer, academic or other profession where lots of thinking is required.
For most areas, a balance of the two types of thinking is needed to get things done. We need to clarify what we want, design intelligent steps to get there and then take action. Once we're clear on out outcome, we need to think, plan and strategize. It's time to act once we have an effective plan that covers all the bases and considers possible obstacles on the way. This way, we ensure our actions will be as effective as possible.
There are 4 things we must know to achieve our goals:
1. Where we are now? (the present state)
2. Where we want to be? (the desired state)
3. What's in the way?
4. What are the steps we must take?
The NLP Well-Formed Outcome was designed to help people clarify in depth where they are, where they want to be, what's in the way and then to outline the steps to get there. It aims to help us get so clear that we can be sure our action will pay off.
Want to break through the obstacles in your way?
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